Counsellor & Life Coach
Bourne to Blog
The More You Know Who You Are...
No matter what your current life situation, your state of mind is everything & when it comes to finding a place of balance & equanimity, especially at times of change & challenge, some simple yet effective changes can not only help us to cope, a good skill set combined with clarity of mind can lead to profound difference regarding the quality of our lives as well as, of course, our relationships.
Most of us want to feel a sense of belonging, purpose, to enjoy at least some relationships of substance, as well as a good degree of personal satisfaction. Yet too, into the mix (& even as a result of this!) we will be exposed to our share of pain & discomfort, we are bound to encounter our shadow along the way, this will stretch us mentally & emotionally & (eventually) reshape us into more compassionate & resilient people. How else would we learn to appreciate the brighter, easier times when life is in flow, other than from understanding that the rough times are our greatest teachers? They will pass eventually & we will develop mental agility, emotional muscle & a whole lot of other assets that will help us to trust life & navigate our way with much greater ease.
‘‘If you understand it, the world is a great device to make you more conscious. Your enemy is your friend, the curses are blessings & the misfortunes can be turned into fortunes. It depends on only one thing; if you know awareness’’ -Osho
The search for something deeper, richer, more authentic & substantial calls when it calls, …if we don’t listen, the call will get louder or come in more painful guises, growing ever more demanding of our attention. When it’s time, it’s time & you are here, so this could be that time. Could be that now is time to begin telling a new story, assuming the current one is not quite (or perhaps far from) where you’d like it to be.
It’s not what you’re thinking about, it’s HOW you’re thinking about what you’re thinking about.
Pay Attention... is it helpful? Check in often, whenever your thoughts begin to spiral, take a breath, Re~Mind Yourself! Paying attention becomes a gateway to freedom, you come to recognize that choices are available, it is possible to reframe your story, therefore get fresh perspective on the way we see the whole world, so pay attention to how you are thinking about what you’re thinking …& ask yourself, if it is helpful? ~Because whatever ‘story of me’ we are in the habit of telling, for better or for worse, richer or poorer, sickness or health, this hardens into the reality we are living.
How do I change my life? By changing your story, by taking your attention away from unhelpful, stressful thoughts from past or future, you know the ones that we can endlessly ruminate over, the ones that the mind has no way to solve. Stop Yourself the second you notice & instead, step back into this moment, put some space between you & any troubling thoughts by shifting your focus toward something you can do or change right now, something you can take care of, or enjoy. It can be anything that will help you to feel a little better, so long as it causes no harm to self or others. From here on in, complaining is off the menu! When you catch yourself, Stop! OMG what will we talk about? …try it for a day, a week, three months, the longer the better,
…& watch what happens.
Have you noticed that complainers never run short of things to complain about just as optimists tend not to run short of trusting life. We are so much more responsible for our reality than most of us realize. It’s not our fault, we’ve all been there, trapped within the confines of not knowing any other way. Things are always changing & every day is new, yet if we are not paying attention or expanding our mental & emotional repertoire by creating a little more variance, we get stuck in a stream of limited thinking & life just keep changing to more of the same!
Our family, tribe, culture, religion, age, profession, gender, bank balance, social status, …& on & on, we become identified with all these concepts & we nearly, almost came to believe that these things are who we are! In truth, we are so very much more.
“You were not meant for crawling, so don’t, you have wings, learn to use them & fly.” ~Rumi.
Welcome to my page & my blog. It’s fabulous to have you along. These are amazing times, times of great change, it is going to be a blast through the rest of this year & next year looking even more incredible.
Moving forward, what we never would have thought could happen will be happening right before our eyes my lovelies, we are in for some surprising times, we will be amazed at the revolutionary unfolding’s & changes that will take place from now into 2020 & beyond. Hang on to your hats & your sensibilities, not to say don’t have the best fun along the way, just be careful not to overdo, over speculate or over indulge as Jupiter cycles through his magnanimous home sign of Sagittarius. During these days of opportunity & abundance, know your limitations, enjoy life’s gifts, be kind & take care!
For anyone who is struggling with troubling thoughts or stressful life situations,
do not despair, there are ways to turn your life around & step forward with a whole new vision.
You are stronger than you realize.
Thanks so much for joining me here,
for your likes & shares.
make the most of your best.
Bourne To Blog...
People Will Like You
As Much As You Like Yourself
Arranging your life to please others will make you sick.
The moment you begin arranging your life according to your own inner promptings, …everything changes.
Giving ‘you’ up never works, how could it? …’You’ is what you are here to be.
Learning to scan the environment for feedback starts early for most of us. It is a coping mechanism we developed in order to fit in, to stay out of trouble, to make everyone laugh, to be sweet, cute, or stay low key or off the radar depending on our particular variety of adaptability & it’s apparent requirements. Fast forward to adult years where eventually we are met with the troubles, bound to arise when we look to others to find ourselves. Never to mind, our gifts come wrapped in our troubles & this then proves to be a leaping off place for the evolution of our thinking mind.
Our gifts come wrapped in our troubles.
Something happens, somebody says or does something & an offense is taken. Once we take offense, it is ours, though it came from an external source, we allowed it to seep in under our skin, to take hold & before we know it, we head straight to the defense lounge. We tense up & push back, or retreat to lick our wounds, we pretty much return to the old ways & though they may be all that we know, that does not mean we don’t have choice. We disconnect not because we want to, rather because we never knew we had choice, that is all we could do because that is all we know. We lock ourselves out from the present moment with limited or distorted understanding about what’s really taking place. It is not unusual to return to the scene of the crime & act as if nothing happened, creating even more fertile ground for the roots of resentment & insecurity to grow deeper. We fear what we do not face.
Projecting assumptions without clear understanding happens easily, most often driven by past experiences, lack of information & feelings of insecurity. Subtle as they are, we don’t recognize these drivers as we dig in our heels & justify our righteous behavior. Such defenses are likely to propel us to react now then regret later, rather than slowing down, gathering information that would allow us to offer a more well informed, emotionally mature response.
The world is a reflection of what’s going on inside you.
How then do we free ourselves from, or navigate our way through potentially stressful, erratic & energy zapping scenarios & develop a more genuine way of relating that leads to forming healthier more authentic relationships? Blame will keep you trapped, isolated & in denial, a self-made prison. Taking responsibility for yourself, getting honest & owning your stuff, that will set you free. Take time out from difficult situations, come back when things are calmer ask for clarity. Care enough about yourself to walk away from abusive people & situations. “You get what you tolerate” ~Tony Robbins.
Until we own who we are, including the shadow, the stuff we’d rather hide & keep hidden, we are going to be working hard to hide the parts of us (from ourselves as well as others) that we have not yet accepted & befriended.
A secret is a heavy burden & this type of game playing takes a lot of energy that could be invested elsewhere. The more we try to hide stuff about ourselves & keep our secrets quiet, the louder they get. Feelings of shame are insidious, eventually they turn inward, show up in the body, this is when we may begin to get sick or feel depression coming on. Disguising ourselves as someone else in order to fit in was a coping mechanism many of us learned in our childhood years, it served us then, yet now, for those of us who are not willing to sacrifice some major parts of ourselves for even a second longer, it could well be time to take a look at what it is exactly that we have been giving up, … & what we have been allowing ourselves to get back!
‘’No less than the trees & the stars, you have a right to be here’’ ~Desiderata
You might think that other people have got it together & you are somehow flawed. Feelings of inadequacy run rife in our culture, contaminated as it is by endless examples of how to sacrifice yourself in order to either please others or impress them, flip sides of the same thing! Alongside of this somewhat misguided concept is the idea of relying on others to be there for us, to prop us up & many of us buy into this, it may work for a while, until we come to see that in real life, propping me up is my job. Holding me up is my job too, no one can do it better than me & it’s the same for all capable adult people who wish to live an authentic, quality life.
Unmet expectations are the birthplace of resentment.
Start with yourself, this is a very perfect place to start. Figure out what you need & how you can give that to yourself, then do it. Ask for help if you need to & if the first person you ask does not help you, ask another, then another. For many of us, we don’t ask because we fear we cannot handle the potential ‘No’, that dreadful feeling of rejection. Once you learn that you actually can handle a ‘No’ & live through it, this freedom will open up new worlds to explore. It can be a huge revelation for some of us to recognize that ‘no’ means; you are being looked after, it means not now, the universe knows what it’s doing, this is not the right time. Spared, for some greater thing, look at your options rather than your restrictions, keep an open mind. Trust life, nothing is wrong here, again, you are being spared, life is taking care, clearly something better awaits you.
Practice being kind to yourself & then extend that to others & watch your thinking mind. It is more about how you are thinking, than what you are thinking.
The kinder you treat yourself, the kinder the world will be to you. What you tolerate is what you get. If you have lost yourself, don’t worry, there will come a moment when something shifts, it clicks into place & you begin to fall back inside, to take back command & mastery of your own life. We all go astray & we all hide behind some sort of facade. Sooner or later however, & especially now, many of us are realizing that we want more than a somnambulistic (sleep walking) existence. We want a life that’s up & about with great relationships & purpose that nourishes us & feeds good energy back into the world. Many of us are questioning, ourselves, our experience, what we are creating & accepting, are the people & energies I’m keeping company with aligned & if not, what is it about me that tolerates less than I really want? What is it about me that tolerates …? Fill in the missing blank, go inside to find the answer(s). This is where your power lies, not in another person who makes you feel ‘special’ then withdraws their attention & you fall in a heap once they are gone, or a role you play in a family, or a corporation or a fist full of dollars. These things may feel great (until they don’t) & are all to be enjoyed for what they are when they flow freely, trying to lock them down however will lead to pain, frustration & feelings of powerlessness. We cannot lock down the transient nature of this life or other people. Let what comes come & what goes go. The business of the world is out of my hands, my job is to tend to the business of running this life I've been given by paying attention here to what I do have the power to change, me!
The real magic is in who you are, …truly, if you ever learn anything in this life, learn this; to appreciate your unique spirit, know your value, your worth, learn about & understand what gifts you bring to the world & discover how best to share them. Do this & life takes on a whole new level.
‘’Neither look forward where there is doubt, nor backward where there is regret, instead, look inward & ask, not if there is anything outside you want, rather whether there is anything inside that you have not yet unpacked.’’ -Quentin Crisp
World peace only ever comes from inner peace & inner peace will free you from resistance. Peaceful inside is spacious inside, calm, quiet, there is room to breathe, to enjoy the fragrance, the scenery, life as it is in this moment, it’s in this space that natural changes begin to take place. Life moves us easily, to the next & the next & the next, free of resistance, in a way that takes us easily along our path & we know it when we are aligned with something that feels on point. Once we have met the darkest parts in ourselves, we can come into relationship with others in a way that we can be real, we are no longer working hard to hide, conceal or not be ‘found out’! We have found ourselves out.
Whatever you are trying to control is actually controlling you.
Thanks a million for being here. These really are incredible times, life is moving fast & we are the beneficiaries of many gifts & much abundance if we keep our eyes, ears & hearts open.
Make the most of your best
& go well until next we meet.